authenticity at it's finest

Remember how last time I wrote about not letting anyone see me cry? Not even my husband?

Well, things may have changed in that department the next evening.

After a long and stressful day at work (three extra meetings in one day...kill me!), I received a phone call from a friend in my neighborhood.

"Kat, I just heard about Betty Lou*...I'm so sorry! Do you need anything?"

"What about Betty Lou?"

"Um...she passed away this morning."

Who is Betty Lou?  Our landlady. That's right, our landlady passed away right under our noses (literally and figuratively). Clearly, I can't blame Betty Lou and I am in no way upset at her; she was perhaps the sweetest little thing I will ever meet and was far more generous than we ever expected. However, it was shocking and untimely news. Panic immediately set in and as soon as I was off the phone (and in the driveway), the tears came a-flowin'! I was perhaps more unraveled than I ever have been. Can you blame me? I assumed we would have to move right away. We don't have any real back up options, even for a short time. And because my husband is applying to physical therapy school for next year, we are hesitant to sign a lease with anyone else until we know when we are heading out.

Basically, I was in full panic mode--not a pretty sight.

Luckily, my husband knew about Betty Lou passing before I knew so he was prepared for the unraveling. As soon as I walked in the door he swooped me up in a giant bear hug and preceded to lay on the floor with me as I sobbed. He took me out for frozen yogurt and made me go on a walk to work out my thoughts.

As I laid in bed that night, I thought about authenticity and how just the day before I admitted I never let my husband see me cry. What a perfect opportunity to let my imperfections/non-superwoman show, right? While this isn't a situation I'd wish on anyone or something I'd like to have happen again, it was relieving to let my husband help me work through something difficult for both of us. The support he provided and love he showed reaffirmed that I am not in this alone. None of us are.

I think that's something else I need to focus on during these months of authenticity--asking for help when I need it. Due to my need to be superwoman to take care of everyone and everything, it's very difficult for me to ask for help. I would rather have a nervous breakdown before it gets to that point. But I don't think that's healthy, and I don't think that's being true to who I am. I'm human, and being human comes with weaknesses. As much as I don't like to admit it or let my weaknesses show, they're there. Part of being authentic is letting those imperfections show and owning them, every single one.

So there you have it. I let one of my imperfections show, even if only for a brief moment. It was kind of nice!

Ending to the story: Our landlady's children are letting us stay until the house sells, which will probably not be until spring. Talk about a relief!

*names have been changed to protect identity