The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown spends an entire chapter on perfectionism and self-compassion. (I am telling you, I loved this book!!) Below is how Brown explains perfectionism (pp. 56-57)
::Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best.
::Perfectionism is not self-improvement.
::Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system.
Brown also states that "...when you're a perfectionist, your self-worth is on the line." (p. 57) I told you perfectionism was nasty.
If I take an honest look at myself, I find that perfectionism hits me in two major areas: body image and home-making. I'm constantly comparing my body/hair/skin/teeth/whatever to other women, real or not. I can tell myself all I want that the women in magazines, movies, tv, etc. are photo-shopped and I truly believe they are, but when it comes down it I still compare. I also constantly compare my cooking/baking/cleaning/organization/decorating/child-bearing skills to other women. I get down on myself that I have hardly any art on the walls, my bed isn't made every day, I cook maybe twice a week, and I don't have kids. I have to be extremely wary and delineate between self-improvement and perfectionism when it comes to body image and home-making.
So what can we do to ward off perfectionism? Brown gives two suggestions (p. 57): speak about/acknowledge imperfections in tender and honest ways, and be slow to judge yourself and others...aka practice self-compassion. She even links Dr. Kristin Neff's word on self-compassion, complete with a self-compassion scale to rate how you're doing (www.self-compassion.org).
If you're like me and identify with feelings of perfectionism, fill in the rating scale! It's a great first step on your perfectionism recovery journey! I discovered that I'm doing quite well with common humanity and mindfulness, but my self-kindness and self-judgment could definitely use some work.
Anything you guys use or do to help you overcome feelings of perfectionism?
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