Monday, March 2, 2015

i've got a fever

I'm loving that HEALTH is our focus for February and March. In my last post, I broke down how I'd been feeling for a few months in relation to authenticity and negative experiences that had come back to haunt me. Let's be real, it was pretty raw and very humbling to open up in that way. BUT it was very cathartic to get those feelings out, even it is just Brooke and I following this blog. I'd never been so honest with myself about my own self-confidence, levels of hope and optimism, lack of vision and perspective, and a few troubling experiences. I'd been plagued with the "fake it til you make it" attitude, which was getting in the way of true healing.

At the beginning of 2015, I put on my brave face and told my husband and parents everything, and I mean everything, I was feeling and where those feelings were rooted. It was terrifying, liberating, excruciating, and incredible all at the same time to share those deep, dark, less-than-pleasant feelings and experiences. Tears were shed, I used words I'd never thought I'd have to use to describe things that had happened, I was left exhausted in every way possible. But once I no longer felt I had to pretend everything was okay, I felt free--able to be myself and all of the good and bad that comes in that nice little package. I don't know that I've ever felt as honest and authentic as I felt that day, and to my surprise no one was unsettled by what I shared. It's been a long, challenging, tiresome path I've decided to take but I know in the end I will be more than pleased I chose this path. I have a daunting amount of healing to do, and I definitely have those days where it's too much to take, but I can already tell I'm headed in the right direction.

Okay, so back to this health thing, I've decided to focus on my mental and emotional health for these two months. I think mental health and/or mental illness is so hush-hush in our society, almost too much. No one wants to admit that these illnesses are common and treatable and should be approached like any other illness. I've been amazed at the number of people who, after I've opened up, have shared their struggles with mental and/or emotional health. I've gained my own strength from hearing their stories and learning about the steps they took towards recovery. It's so much more common than I ever realized!

For privacy reasons and out of self-respect, I will not be sharing personal details about my mental/emotional health journey on the world wide web. Perhaps when all is said and done, I will feel more confident and capable of doing such, but for now that is not the case. If you're sticking around in hopes of getting some juicy gossip, you won't find any here. I do, however, plan to document steps I've taken and resources I've used in my recovery process in hopes that someone else can gain insight and strength. Below is a list of websites you can browse if you're interested in learning more about mental health and mental health resources.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

National Institute of Mental Health

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration


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